Life Debates.

I honestly hate myself so much for always abandoning all of my blogs. Every time I make one, it takes about ten posts for me to then forget about it and not post in such a long time and then post again. And by those ten posts, I usually actually have ACTUAL readers but I always forget :"( It's not that I want to abandon my blogs, I just always forget about it. or maybe I just couldn't commit.

Well that actually connects to what I want to write about next. I'm in a constant debate with myself, I can probably say for the last five years or so, because judging from the number of blogs that I have in my lifetime (I have 6 in mind that I can still remember, probably missed a few), you can probably tell that I really do actually like blogging, and I've always wanted to get my blog somewhere.

I have also always been so interested in vlogging, or rather, just creating content on YouTube since I think vlogging was very different to what people know today. Nowadays, you would see vlogs as people holding their camera with their hand and talking directly to the camera, usually walking around doing stuff and filming it. Whereas back in the day, as in 7 years ago, when my friends and I were obsessed with watching YouTubers, vlogging is more of those typical sit-down videos, where you set up your camera on a tripod (or... a book, if you don't have a tripod) and basically ramble and talk about something. There was a point in my life where my friends and I actually attempted to make a vlog, in my bedroom. Sadly, I don't remember what we talked about, and we didn't have the guts to post the video anddd my friend lost the footage, but I can literally still remember quite vividly of how we set up, how we stood and all that. The point is, I have always been so interested in the blogging and vlogging world. I regret so much that I didn't just actually give it a go and always be a wimp about it. Here I am, knowing that fact, and still being a bloody wimp!!!

YouTube, as we all may or may not know it, has changed. A lot. It has gotten so freaking big, and a lot (I mean, A LOT) of people actually have 'YouTuber' as their job title. Rhett and Link of Good Mythical Morning have 6+ million subscribers, and they're considered as the 86th most subscribed on YouTube. EIGHTY SIXTH. Jesus Christ! So 85 other people have more than 6 million subscribers. I could not even comprehend that. Since the creators' side had multiplied itself by about 97324 billion, that would mean there is less chance for me to get noticed. I mean, the world really doesn't need another smokey eye tutorial, or a winged liner tutorial, because THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT HAD DONE THAT ALREADY! And probably did a better job at it than I ever will. But I just feel really passionate about this. I love filming, as you can tell by the fact that I have made a lot of videos in the past, and I wanted to go to film school (and got accepted) but wasn't allowed, and I feel like the only way I can achieve this is by YouTube. But now... I guess not so much :\

Ugh, I don't know. All I'm trying to say is that I am actually giving YouTube a go. There's no harm in trying, right? You'll never know. well actually there is harm in it because if nobody watches my videos i will breakdown and be so sad that nothing's going well for me and i would think "i worked hard for this, i think i have some talent but why isn't this going well god HELP ME"

+ Moral of the year: Just. Do. It. Ok.