beginning/end?

I would insert one of the biggest blogger/vlogger cliche of all time and say oh my god, I can't believe it's been a year [since I started my Master's degree]!! But I'll spare you on that front. 

Yeah. Like most people in their early twenties, I have spent most of my life at school. And I am now finished. Done. No more education. I'm out. For good. Okay I'll stop.  

There's always this one question that people ask me when they find out that I have completed my degree:

"How do you feel?!!"

rubbersouled bunga atikha post university international student
rubbersouled bunga atikha post university international student

Most of you (or the people that asked the question) are probably expecting that I feel like the 2 pictures above. I mean, how could you not be happy and relieved for finally finishing that dissertation that consumed your whole summer?? 

Mmmm... not quite.

Unlike most people, I wasn't wishing that I could close my eyes, enjoy the hell out of my summer, and find my dissertation just sitting on my desk, looking beautiful and magically done by the 2nd of October. 

I wasn't daydreaming of all the things I can do and how relieved I will feel when I have finally finished education, for good.

If anything, I am really dreading it. 

Why? Probably because the end of my Master's degree means the end of my stay in the UK. Well, not quite, because the government gives a very generous four months for International students to.. who the hell knows what. (If you didn't sense any sarcasm, I'm just giving you a late warning here.)

rubbersouled bunga atikha post university international student

I'm gonna be honest with you... I'm really scared. We all know that you don't know what the future holds and all that crap, but this is honestly the first time my future has been so uncertain. I kind of dread every time somebody asks me along the lines of "so, what's next??" because I don't know. I don't think I will know quite literally up until a week before my visa expires, because you'll never know if there is actually some company out there that likes me so much, they are willing to go through the complicated, not to mention pretty expensive process of sponsoring my visa. Just so I could work for them. 

Sometimes I am just being a brat. I do know how to answer the previous question. In fact, I am not quite unemployed. Because being unemployed means finding a job itself becomes your full-time job. Especially when you're an International student, looking into getting a job in the world of beauty PR, or advertising, and just the overall marketing world. Oh you're gonna have to work your freaking arse off, my friend. *and that was an attempt of shaking myself to work even harder in finding a bloody job.*

Luckily enough for me, I have never felt such a strong urge to work. I am a pretty lazy and mostly paranoid person. I [didn't use to] like the idea of having a job, working, and losing 99% of my free time. But honestly, I am ready. I am so fucking ready to have those responsibilities, working on campaigns, discussing ideas with colleagues, working for brands that I love. 

rubbersouled bunga atikha post university international student

So that leads us that second question that people ask me: "What are you gonna do now that you're done?"

Other than finding a job, I am trying to be more serious with my YouTube channel as well as my blog. I'm done with those unproductive summers where all I do is pretty much ...nothing. Even if I don't find an internship, I am treating my YouTube channel, blog, and even Instagram as my job (at least my part-time job). After all, that is ultimately (one of) the dream(s) - to become my own boss with creating content on the Internet. Something that I've been wanting to do since an early age, without even realising. But I'm sure you guys have heard that one before. Multiple times. Haha. 

Other than that, I've also made a conscious effort to continue educating myself even though I am done with formal education. Whether it's about marketing - for my career in beauty PR or for my social media channels - or even just with culture and life in general, I guess, by reading books and watching more movies. As a kid, I've always loved reading books and find such satisfaction in them because it makes me feel like an adult, adulting. Like reading novels. I kind of fell out of that especially throughout university, because I thought there are better things in life to do than to read a book. But I am starting to find joy and satisfaction in reading again, which I'm pretty chuffed about. 

rubbersouled bunga atikha post university international student

So that's it. You have just gone pretty deep into the brain of an (ex?) International student living in the UK. 

I know it was a bit of a long one, but honestly I just really want to share my thoughts because I can't really find anyone talking about things like this, who are on the same boat as me. If you too, are an International UK student, please let me know how you feel as well in the comments down below so we can pat each other's backs and give each other tissues :_)

rubbersouled bunga atikha post university international student

What I'm wearing...

Dress - Zara
Shoes - TUK Creepers
Bag - Urban Outfitters
Sunglasses - Ray-Ban


Photos taken by Phil Walsh.